Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 4 of 4)

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I'm going to take on a couple of different topics that will require some length. So, I'll break it into "bite-size" chunks!


Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 4)

You’re the Examples

I’m sure you know this already, but children pick up all kinds of things from their parents. Some of it will be good, and some may be not so helpful. My loving, pastoral suggestion is to model the kinds of behaviors you’d like to see in your children, and don’t be surprised at all if your children do the same things you do. Let’s this be one of those good kind of warnings…it starts with you parents.

Some helpful hints:

1. Dad’s take your daughters out on dates. Always tell them how beautiful they are and that you love them. If they are used to hearing that, it won’t be such a shocking thing when some 15 or 16 year old boy tells them that for the first time, and suddenly their whisked away into this “teenage-love-induced coma.”

2. Internet safety - Kids are becoming savvier with computers. Some of you could probably say that you 12 year old knows more about the computer than you do. For that reason, internet safety is critical. If you don’t already have some kind of monitoring/blocking device for your computer, I would recommend you do that immediately, especially if your kids use the internet at your home. All it takes is one misstep, one wrong click, or one pop-up from a website, and your precious children’s minds are given something their not ready to deal with and something that could stay with them for a lifetime. If you don’t already have an internet filter, I would recommend a great on for you. I actually use it on myself and an accountability partner of mine has the password to that I can’t tamper with it. B-Safe Online ( http://www.bsafehome.com/). This is a great filter. It costs about $50 a year, but that investment should be nothing when you think of all the dangers that are lurking on the internet that your children could get caught in.

3. Don’t allow things in your home (TV, internet, magazines, etc.) that could contradict what you’re attempting to teach your children. You’re not going to be able to do this fully (unless you become Amish), but we diligent in policing your home for these things. Again, ask yourself some hard questions.

Good Scriptures to Use:

- Genesis 1/2

- 1 Peter 5:8-9

- 1 Peter 3:3-4

- 1 Corinthians 10:13 (for older kids)

- Hebrews 13:4

- 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 (may take a require a little instruction)

- James 4:7

- Psalm 139

- Job 31:1 (especially as boys get hormones)

- Plenty of others that I could mention, but don’t want to take up the room.

Resources

Mini-disclaimer: Please remember the disclaimer from the resources question. Make it a practice to always read stuff for yourself and know what’s in a book before you give it to your children. Some of the following resources, I have read personally, and others I have not.

1. Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle/Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle – these are some great resources for parents. Half of the book is for parents to read, and the last half is stuff that you and your son/daughter can read together. If you haven’t ready the adult versions of these books for yourself (Every Man’s Battle/Every Woman’s Battle), you should.

2. God’s Design for Sex Series – I have not personally read these, but I know of some parents that use them. Everything I’ve heard has been extremely positive. This series have four different books that are gauged for different stages of a kid’s life.

That's it...we'll start up a new topic in a few days. Hope it's been helpful!

Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 3 of 4)

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I'm going to take on a couple of different topics that will require some length. So, I'll break it into "bite-size" chunks!


Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 3)

When to Have the Talk

We’ve all seen the TV shows where the parents have to sit down and have “THE TALK.” I’m just not sure that’s the best way handle the sex issue with kids. There may in fact be one time, early in adolescence, where different ideas/concepts/etc. are talked about in an in-depth and lengthy discussion, but laying a healthy framework for sexuality is essential for kids, and that happens “as you go” (Deut. 6:6-7).

It really is a lifelong process! Just like investment, the earlier you begin the better!

There are plenty of times in the preschool/elementary years where the “differences” between boys and girls will need to be discussed. There may even be questions about “where babies come from.” As they get to the end of this range, there may be other questions. It’s really amazing what kids will come to you with if you have a relationship where they feel safe to ask questions. I really don’t think there are right and wrong answers for these questions. I would however, charge you to do two things:

- Don’t avoid those situations. If you avoid it, they’ll just avoid you later on in life when they have a question about something important.

- Answer their questions in an age-appropriate way that is comfortable to you.

I know I keep repeating myself, but one big key is teachable moments. When you can use everyday occurrences to teach your children about God and how’s he has made the world to work, discipleship gets much easier.

Boys and Girls…They are different if you haven’t noticed!

Little boys and little girls are going to have different issues to deal with as they grow up. Here are a few that I see being key issues for the individual sexes as they grow.

Girls

- Modesty – teaching little girls to dress modestly is key. I know how difficult it is to find clothes that are fashionable and modest. There aren’t a lot of options out there. This is just another example of the world attempting to communicate something to your children. Teaching young ladies to be modest is critical. I’m not talking about ankle length skirts, and loose fitting sweaters at all times, but I wouldn’t put my daughter (if the Lord chooses to bless me with children) in some of the things I’ve seen…even at church. Time to stir the pot: If mom doesn’t dress with modesty, how can we expect young girls to dress modestly? There is a way to be fashionable, cool, without “prudish”? Ask yourself the hard questions. Your 4 year olds and 7 year olds are forming life-long habits and worldview shaping thoughts right now.

- Beauty – All little girls want to be beautiful, and they want to be treated as such. Teach your young ladies the real meaning of beauty. 1 Peter 3:3-4 are verses that every little girl should memorize deep in their hearts.

Boys

- Eyes – one of the best things you can learn as a young man is to learn how to “bounce” your eyes. Teach young boys good eye contact skills. If they’ve learned to always look someone in the eye when they’re talking, it may keep them from looking “other places” as they get older.

- Self-control – this is foundational for any kind of success in life, and especially in the world they are going to grow up in. Help your young men learn to control themselves. Model it for them. Reward and appreciate them when they show self-control.

Come back for the last one...later this week!

Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 2 of 4)

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I'm going to take on a couple of different topics that will require some length. So, I'll break it into "bite-size" chunks!


Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 2)

God’s view of sex

Sex was created by God for a reason (and it wasn’t just to fill the earth with people…read Song of Solomon). It’s an extremely beautiful thing, but it can be misused in all kinds of ways. One of the important things to teach kids is that it is a beautiful, natural, and right thing, but only when it’s done in right context (a marriage covenant between a man and a woman). Sex is a gift from God, and he wants us to use that gift in a way that would honor Him. He gave us boundaries to play inside of, and any “outside playing” is dangerous to us. There are all kinds of illustrations of this principle that you can use with kids. Things that are right and good, but when they are misused, someone gets hurt or even worse. God is not some “cosmic kill-joy” who wants to keep us from fun, but a loving Father who knows what is best and wants us to desperately believe that he has our “fullness of joy” in mind.

There’s all kinds of issues around whether a kid will or won’t misuse their sexuality growing up into adolescence and adulthood, but as I’ve thought about it in my own life, it really boils down to a couple of things.

- Do your children have a deep-hearted, unwavering belief that God’s way (even if it isn’t fully understood) is better than their own way or the world’s way?

- Do they really believe that God has their “best” interest (or their joy) in mind?

If these beliefs are firmly entrenched in their little hearts, they are going to be much better off than most of the other kids who grow up in this over-sexualized world. Do your very best to instill this kind of attitude in your young children. Pray daily for it. Believe and model these beliefs yourselves as the leaders of your family. As a parent, aim for these things. It’s not going to happen overnight, and it will take a lot of the Holy Spirit working in their lives to help them believe these two ideas with all they have. If a child can grasp and fully believe these two ideas, they will avoid so many of the dangers of this world. (And so will you parents!)

Keep coming back...there's more!

Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 1 of 4)

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I'm going to take on a couple of different topics that will require some length. So, I'll break it into "bite-size" chunks!


Birds and Bees...HELP! (Part 1)

Disclaimer:

I am not a parent. I am but a lowly children’s pastor. I am by no means an expert. I may say or write something that you disagree with. That’s okay. You may mumble under your breath, “huh…let him try that” or “naïve little man” or “really…you really think that…we’ll see.” I’m okay with you mumbling under your breath…just don’t say them too loud. My goal is to talk some basics, point you to some good resources, and plead with you to talk to your children about a God-way of viewing sex and sexuality. There is a lot more that could be said, but it won’t all fit here.

World/Culture waging war for your kids

Whether you realize it or not…hopefully you do, the world is attempting to (and rather successfully for the last few generations) communicate a worldview geared around sex. It’s everywhere. You can’t turn on the TV, drive down the street, or go to a local store without being bombarded with messages about sex and sexuality. The scarier thing is that, whether you realize it or not, your kids are picking up these messages. Many times it’s very subtle, but messages are being communicated.

As believer and parents, as a previous email spoke of, you have the obligation and duty to train and disciple your children in the most God-honoring way possible. It can seem daunting at times, but we all want the best for our children so keep working on it, even when it’s tough.

How the church has/has not dealt with the issue

The Christian community hasn’t always been great at dealing with the issue of sex. The church at large has attempted to make some grand efforts in recent years, and has attempted to be proactive about handing down a proper view of sex in the last few decades.

According to my dad, his generation learned that sex was dirty and to not do it, if it was talked about at all. The church ignored the topic. All the while, my father’s generation was learning to separate those two ideas: church/God and sex. The reality is that the two are inseparable and aren’t inseparable.

I grew up in a different time. I was in the first “True Love Waits” generation. That program started when I was in junior high, and by the time I was in the 11^th grade, I had promised to wait until marriage three or four times through different youth group functions or rallies. Their aim/goal was noble, but much of the research that has come back on it recently shows that it really wasn’t that effective on the whole.

I really think the church will continue to address the issue in proper ways, but as we discussed earlier, it’s not really the church’s responsibility. This is one of those issues that rightfully belong to parents.

More coming...stay tuned to the blog!

Throwback Thursday #8

For some who haven't been around here that long, this website is a few years old, and there are wonderful things that I'd like to put in front some of our "newbies" and remind some of the rest of you about. So, we're revisiting some early posts each week on Thursdays!

Original post below:

Modesty - Young Ladies

Having worked in childrens ministry for almost 10 years now, one of the things that I've noticed (just in that short time) is how much fashion changes and how "fashion" or wanting to be "fashionable" is a desire of most young ladies.

However, in the last 10 years things have changed drastically when it comes to the modesty of young ladies. Call it our culture, call it fashion, call it whatever you want...the reality is that most young ladies will have to be conscious of how to be "modest" in a world that doesn't particularly want them to be modest. And yet we know from 1 Peter 3:3-4 what God wants every woman to "show off."

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4


Here's a couple of links I ran across about young ladies, modesty, and how to talk about this with our young daughters and our young women.


Are Your Daughters Looking Sexy?

Modesty Guidelines for Girls


One of the great parts of these articles is a couple of guidelines that are given for knowing whether or not a particular outfit is "modest."

• "If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest."
• "If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest."
• "If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest."
• "If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest."

Moms and Dads, what are some ways you've addressed this issue in your home?

Birds and the Bees

Doesn't matter if you're in a TV show or you're just a normal, average, run-of-the-mill parent, one of the things that makes you nervous is having to talk to your kids about sex.





But today's world is changing. Parents are realizing that the discussion about man/woman differences, sex, and all that goes along with it has to happen much earlier in a kid's life than it had to 20-30 years ago.

Parent's, you've got to have a plan when it comes to how you talk to your kids about sex. The article below is not only full of wisdom, but also full of other links to research and articles to give you further help along the way. Read up, I think it's a very good reminder of the responsibility and the importance of the parent-child relationship when it comes to these discussions.

How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

Do you have a plan? If not, when are you planning on making a plan?

Throwback Thursday

For some who haven't been around here that long, this website is a few years old, and there are wonderful things that I'd like to put in front some of our "newbies" and remind some of the rest of you about. So, we're revisiting some early posts each week on Thursdays!



Original post below:


There's a LION in your house!

One of the more famous depictions of Satan in the Bible is that of a lion who is seeking to kill and destroy. I've watched enough Discovery Channel to know what a lion is like when they are looking to eat. It's not pretty!

Well, I've got to tell you that the Lion may be in your house, and if you're not careful, you may be allowing the Lion to nip at your kids. I have one BIG question.

Do you have a filter on the computer that your kids use? I'm not asking you if you check where your kids have been on the internet after they've been there. I'm not asking you if you check the history. I'm not even asking if you try your best to monitor where they've been. I'm not asking you if you've looked at the security settings on your computer. I'm asking you if you've got a designated program on your computer that WILL BLOCK inappropriate materials from purposefully or inadvertently popping up on the computer screen.

Here's the facts. The average boy sees pornography for the first time by the time they are 10 years old. 10!!!

Please don't be naive! There are lots of good filters out there. Your child may not be old enough to stumble into anything on the computer they shouldn't yet...but it's coming!

The two programs mentioned below are GREAT options. They cost a little money, but when you have a LION in and around your house, you do what you have to do to protect your children!

BSecure
Safe Eyes

Modesty - Young Ladies

Having worked in childrens ministry for almost 10 years now, one of the things that I've noticed (just in that short time) is how much fashion changes and how "fashion" or wanting to be "fashionable" is a desire of most young ladies.

However, in the last 10 years things have changed drastically when it comes to the modesty of young ladies. Call it our culture, call it fashion, call it whatever you want...the reality is that most young ladies will have to be conscious of how to be "modest" in a world that doesn't particularly want them to be modest. And yet we know from 1 Peter 3:3-4 what God wants every woman to "show off."

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4


Here's a couple of links I ran across about young ladies, modesty, and how to talk about this with our young daughters and our young women.


Are Your Daughters Looking Sexy?

Modesty Guidelines for Girls


One of the great parts of these articles is a couple of guidelines that are given for knowing whether or not a particular outfit is "modest."

• "If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest."
• "If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest."
• "If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest."
• "If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest."

Moms and Dads, what are some ways you've addressed this issue in your home?

A different kind of 10 Commandments...

I recently ran across this list of "commandments" when it comes to protecting your children and families on-line. The internet is a dangerous place, and as your kids get older, their involvement with technology will only increase. As a parent, you better have a plan.


The 10 Commandments of online safety for kids

1. Thou shalt put the computer in a very public place.
2. Remember thy password and keep it holy.
3. Know thy children’s friends, buddies.
4. Remember thy monitoring software and keep it active.
5. Thou Shalt not allow thy children to post any graven images (photos) without thy permission.
6. Thou shalt not allow any contact information to ever be given out.
7. Thou shalt forbid any meeting in person with online buddies.
8. Remember to check thy child’s history.
9. Though shalt create a separate log in for each child (on a mac, on those other computers).
10. Thou shalt not close your eyes and hope for the best.

Taken from Sam Luce - Source

Would you add any "commandments" to the list?

Heart-work is hard-work!

We live in a world that promotes sensuality and immorality. As a little bit of a history buff (spent quite a lot of money on history classes in college), I can tell you that no other time (with the possible exception of the late Roman empire) in history rivals our current society's love of all things sexual, sensual, and promiscuous.

I ran across an article the other day that laid out a few tips on how to begin to prepare the hearts of your youngsters for a life of purity admidst such a promiscuous and sexual world. Here are there four tips...

1. It's never too early
2. Be proactive
3. Show that God's love is IN His boundaries
4. Prepare children to stand out

Read more - Guarding the Heart: Purity in a Promiscuous World

Mom's and Daughter's

There's may not be any other relationship that has so much potential (both good and bad) than the relationship between a mother and a daughter. One of the growing problems in our culture is the extreme lack of "modesty" that young ladies are learning, and moms hold the key to this principle and whether or not their daughters learn it. In a world of Miley Cyrus, Victoria Secret, and the like, why not start teaching our daughters a "different way." This website below addresses lots of those issues (as well as others) in a fun way.

I ran across this website the other day, and it is a great resource for both mom's and daughters. Moms, if your daughter is 7-13, you should click on this website right away. If your daughters are younger, get ready for it!

Secret Keeper Girl

What are your kids "searching" for?

I found this article particularly important to share with you. Here, you'll find the top google searches for children and teenagers in 2009. Pretty shocking stuff!

Top Web Browser Searches for Kids and Teens for 2009

You may or may not realize this, but the internet can be a wonderful, and yet, very dangersous place for kids. If you haven't already, engage your children in a conversation about what kinds of places they visit on the internet, and what kind of dangers are out there.

And if you don't have a filter...get one TODAY!

The "S" Word...Part 2

No, this one doesn't have four letters...it has three. You know the word I'm talking about, "sex." Most parents would confess to being nervous about talking to their children about sex. You may have young children right now, but eventually, it's a topic that's going to have to be discussed. I recently read a series of posts about talking to your kids about sex. I thought they were extremely well done, and so I decided to share.

These are the last three posts...


What to Talk About, Part 2

Talking about Sexual Attraction

Celebrate Sexual Purity

The "S" Word...Part 1

No, this one doesn't have four letters...it has three. You know the word I'm talking about, "sex." Most parents would confess to being nervouse about talking to their children about sex. You may have young children right now, but eventually, it's a topic that's going to have to be discussed. I recently read a series of posts about talking to your kids about sex. I thought they were extremely well done, and so I decided to share.

These are the first three of six...more coming tomorrow!


Talking with Your Children About Marriage and Sex

When to Talk About Sex and Marriage

What to Talk About - Part 1

Internet Safety

It's a huge deal. HUGE!!!

If you're not thinking about it and preparing for it, you're already behind the curve (especially if your kids are on the computer).

The link below is a tad dated, but it still offers a great overview of why the internet can be such a dangerous place and how you can make a plan to protect your children.

Internet Safety

There's a LION in your house!

One of the more famous depictions of Satan in the Bible is that of a lion who is seeking to kill and destroy. I've watched enough Discovery Channel to know what a lion is like when they are looking to eat. It's not pretty!

Well, I've got to tell you that the Lion may be in your house, and if you're not careful, you may be allowing the Lion to nip at your kids. I have one BIG question.

Do you have a filter on the computer that your kids use? I'm not asking you if you check where your kids have been on the internet after they've been there. I'm not asking you if you check the history. I'm not even asking if you try your best to monitor where they've been. I'm not asking you if you've looked at the security settings on your computer. I'm asking you if you've got a designated program on your computer that WILL BLOCK inappropriate materials from purposefully or inadvertently popping up on the computer screen.

Here's the facts. The average boy sees pornography for the first time by the time they are 10 years old. 10!!!

Please don't be naive! There are lots of good filters out there. Your child may not be old enough to stumble into anything on the computer they shouldn't yet...but it's coming!

The two programs mentioned below are GREAT options. They cost a little money, but when you have a LION in and around your house, you do what you have to do to protect your children!

BSecure
Safe Eyes

Ask the Children's Pastor - Remix #3

Last summer, I did a series called "Ask the Children's Pastor." Each of these documents are answers to a number of questions that our volunteers (some parents, some not) asked. I hope you find them helpful.

Question #3:
According to Christian values, when is an appropriate age to have the "birds and the bees" talk with children? I've heard it's best to introduce to topic in doses. If so, what do you introduce and when?

Birds and Bees...HELP!!!

Robert