If you have more than one child, and they differ in age by less than 7 years, you have undoubtedly experienced a bit of sibling rivalry. It can take all kinds of forms and it can be rooted in all kinds of emotions, but it is there. It's as old as Cain and Abel, and the "problem" of sibling rivalry isn't going anywhere as long as Jesus hasn't come back. So, I'm going to begin a series of posts (1 each for the next couple of weeks) about sibling rivalry. We'll take a look at different instances of it in the Bible, and attempt to learn something together.
Jacob and Esau (Gen.25-27)
What really happened: Isaac and Rebekah have twins. Anyone who has twins knows that there are some times where twins can give joy like single children born separately can't. They also know that there are times when twins can cause pain and tension unlike children born separately. The Bible says that the two boys were "struggling within her before they were born" (Gen. 25:21-26). Eventually, they grow up and Jacob tricks his father and takes the inheritance from his older brother, leading to the separation of two nations who still to this day, dislike each other.
What caused it in their situation: I think the main clue to this particular case of sibling rivalry is that "Isaac loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob" (Gen. 5:28). In this family, there were obvious favorites.
The End Result: Two different nations are formed from these two brothers after Jacob "steals" the birthright from Esau and tricks his father into giving him the blessing/inheritance.
Be on the lookout: Make sure you are on your guard and watchful about whether or not parents have their own, personal favorite kids. Dad, if you're spending more time with one child while mom is spending more time with another, watch carefully. I know that can be difficult sometimes (especially if Dad coaches little league and Mom is the dance sponsor), but it may take a conscious effort to spend quality/special time with each of your children, lest you, unknowingly, develop "favorites."
What's the Takeaway: Well, the most natural takeaway from this story is that if you have twins, you should keep your eye out for certain kinds of sibling rivalry that can be exasperated by "twin-dom." Secondly, in this family, we see the obvious dangers of playing favorites.
Showing posts with label sibling rivalry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sibling rivalry. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Sibling Rivalry in the Bible - #2
If you have more than one child, and they differ in age by less than 7 years, you have undoubtedly experienced a bit of sibling rivalry. It can take all kinds of forms and it can be rooted in all kinds of emotions, but it is there. It's as old as Cain and Abel, and the "problem" of sibling rivalry isn't going anywhere as long as Jesus hasn't come back. We'll take a look at different instances of it in the Bible, and attempt to learn something together.
Joseph and His Brothers (Genesis 37)
What really happened: Joseph was the youngest son in his family, and his father "loved Joseph more than any of his other sons" (v. 3) because he was the baby. This caused quite a bit of "hatred" between Joseph and his brothers (v.4). He even receives special gifts from his father (v. 3). One day Joseph has some dreams. He then tells his brothers about the dreams. It just so happens that in these dreams, Joseph's brothers are bowing down to him. They take offense, and it truly is the straw that breaks the camel's back in the relationship between Joseph and his brothers.
What caused it in their situation: There are a number of things that fuel the fire of sibling rivalry in this story. The first is the blatant favoritism shown by Joseph's father. Nothing will put siblings at odds with one another quicker than genuine or even perceived favoritism. The second things that fueled this chain of events wasn't Joseph's dreams, but the way in which he talked about these dreams to his family. You can almost sense a great deal of pride and arrogance in Joseph when he tells these dreams.
The End Result: Joseph's brothers eventually devise a plan to sell him into slavery and make up a story about him being killed by a wild animal. They lie to their father, and Joseph is sent off to Egypt where he begins his life as a slave. That is the beginning of the story, but we know (because we know the rest of the story) that this was all a part of God's plan to preserve his people during the upcoming famines.
Be on the lookout: As a parent, you've got to be on the lookout for favoritism. Most parents would never admit to favoritism, but it can sneak up on you in a number of ways when you don't even realize it. Do your best to guard against it at all costs. Be fair...discipline when you must...but always be on the lookout for favoritism. In addition, watch for pride in your children, whether it's subtle or blatant. Pride and arrogance can quickly sour one person against the other.
What's the Takeaway: Favoritism and pride/arrogance destroy a family in Joseph's case. The pain and wreckage in this story are very real, and can often mirror the pain and wreckage of real life families today. The beautiful part of this story is that at the end of it all, Joseph is reconciled with his father and brother and able to say that "what you intended for evil, God intended for good." God used this families dysfunction to glorify him and to serve His purpose in the world. Glory to God!
Joseph and His Brothers (Genesis 37)
What really happened: Joseph was the youngest son in his family, and his father "loved Joseph more than any of his other sons" (v. 3) because he was the baby. This caused quite a bit of "hatred" between Joseph and his brothers (v.4). He even receives special gifts from his father (v. 3). One day Joseph has some dreams. He then tells his brothers about the dreams. It just so happens that in these dreams, Joseph's brothers are bowing down to him. They take offense, and it truly is the straw that breaks the camel's back in the relationship between Joseph and his brothers.
What caused it in their situation: There are a number of things that fuel the fire of sibling rivalry in this story. The first is the blatant favoritism shown by Joseph's father. Nothing will put siblings at odds with one another quicker than genuine or even perceived favoritism. The second things that fueled this chain of events wasn't Joseph's dreams, but the way in which he talked about these dreams to his family. You can almost sense a great deal of pride and arrogance in Joseph when he tells these dreams.
The End Result: Joseph's brothers eventually devise a plan to sell him into slavery and make up a story about him being killed by a wild animal. They lie to their father, and Joseph is sent off to Egypt where he begins his life as a slave. That is the beginning of the story, but we know (because we know the rest of the story) that this was all a part of God's plan to preserve his people during the upcoming famines.
Be on the lookout: As a parent, you've got to be on the lookout for favoritism. Most parents would never admit to favoritism, but it can sneak up on you in a number of ways when you don't even realize it. Do your best to guard against it at all costs. Be fair...discipline when you must...but always be on the lookout for favoritism. In addition, watch for pride in your children, whether it's subtle or blatant. Pride and arrogance can quickly sour one person against the other.
What's the Takeaway: Favoritism and pride/arrogance destroy a family in Joseph's case. The pain and wreckage in this story are very real, and can often mirror the pain and wreckage of real life families today. The beautiful part of this story is that at the end of it all, Joseph is reconciled with his father and brother and able to say that "what you intended for evil, God intended for good." God used this families dysfunction to glorify him and to serve His purpose in the world. Glory to God!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Sibling Rivalry in the Bible #1
If you have more than one child, and they differ in age by less than 7 years, you have undoubtedly experienced a bit of sibling rivalry. It can take all kinds of forms and it can be rooted in all kinds of emotions, but it is there. It's as old as Cain and Abel, and the "problem" of sibling rivalry isn't going anywhere as long as Jesus hasn't come back. So, I'm going to begin a series of posts (1 each for the next couple of weeks) about sibling rivalry. We'll take a look at different instances of it in the Bible, and attempt to learn something together.
Cain and Abel (Gen. 4:1-16)
What really happened: Abel gave an offering to the Lord (the firstborn) while Cain brought "some of the fruits" (v. 3) of the land. There is a difference between their offerings. The Bible says Abel brought the appropriate worship to God and Cain didn't. Cain simply brought "some" and Abel brought the best, the first fruits.
What caused it in their situation: Jealousy and anger ensues because the Bible says that "the Lord looked with favor on Abel" and not on Cain (v. 4-5).
The End Result: God calls out Cain on his sin, and warns him about "sin crouching at your door." The misplaced anger (Cain was really angry at his own failure), led him to kill his brother.
Be on the lookout: What can often happen in a family is that one child is better behaved or "less hassle" than another. One child is more compliant and one is more mischievous and stubborn. When that happens, there is an open door for resentment and anger to build within children and siblings.
What's the Takeaway: What God didn't do in the Cain and Abel case was to avoid disciplining Cain because of his sin. But he did call him on it, gave the appropriate amount of discipline, and then warned Cain to be aware of the things in his life that were going to "sneak up" on him if he wasn't on his guard. With your children, especially if you've got one that's a more compliant child, it is best for you to be on your guard about "misplaced anger" and resentment that can build between one sibling to another based on how they are rewarded/disciplined by their parents. It can be a potential source of conflict and sibling rivalry in your home.
Cain and Abel (Gen. 4:1-16)
What really happened: Abel gave an offering to the Lord (the firstborn) while Cain brought "some of the fruits" (v. 3) of the land. There is a difference between their offerings. The Bible says Abel brought the appropriate worship to God and Cain didn't. Cain simply brought "some" and Abel brought the best, the first fruits.
What caused it in their situation: Jealousy and anger ensues because the Bible says that "the Lord looked with favor on Abel" and not on Cain (v. 4-5).
The End Result: God calls out Cain on his sin, and warns him about "sin crouching at your door." The misplaced anger (Cain was really angry at his own failure), led him to kill his brother.
Be on the lookout: What can often happen in a family is that one child is better behaved or "less hassle" than another. One child is more compliant and one is more mischievous and stubborn. When that happens, there is an open door for resentment and anger to build within children and siblings.
What's the Takeaway: What God didn't do in the Cain and Abel case was to avoid disciplining Cain because of his sin. But he did call him on it, gave the appropriate amount of discipline, and then warned Cain to be aware of the things in his life that were going to "sneak up" on him if he wasn't on his guard. With your children, especially if you've got one that's a more compliant child, it is best for you to be on your guard about "misplaced anger" and resentment that can build between one sibling to another based on how they are rewarded/disciplined by their parents. It can be a potential source of conflict and sibling rivalry in your home.
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